The week following bilateral mastectomy surgery seemed endless and yet, as I write this, it has been five weeks since those endless days. Getting comfortable was not easy to do due to two drains under each arm, the skin on my chest and under each arm felt like raw, open wounds when it was not, lifting my arms was limited and doing the shoulder shrugs and shoulder blade exercises was uncomfortable to begin with, but after a couple of days it actually made my neck and back feel better, my emotions were over the top trying to stay positive one minute and crying the next, bathing and getting ready for bed was a task in itself then, of course, comes trying to get comfortable to sleep only to wake up and face the task of cleaning up and getting dressed and presentable for another day of sitting in my chair ... you may ask why I would write this when I am striving to create a positive place for others to come to? Because the reality is, bilateral mastectomy surgery is a BIG deal and it comes with its negative side.
But, as one friend who had a lumpectomy and radiation told me, each day done is one day you never have to face again and it places you one day closer to better health and back at living the lifestyle you knew before that lump appeared, before the words "breast biopsy" and "mastectomy" entered your vocabulary, before surgery and drains and treatments ... looking forward is not always easy and comes with so many unknowns with procedures still to come, but taking one day at a time is all anyone can do - add to that counting your blessings and you have the makings of a mastectomy survivor! Yup! That's me and you!
After the first week, I had one set of drains removed which helped with arm movement and the overall feeling of "bulk" that my arms were sitting on and around. After week two, when the second set of drains was removed, I felt light as a feather, like I could tackle the world - I could finally shower and wash my own hair, I discovered I could wear a pull on shirt by leaning forward so my arms were not over my head, I was able to lengthen my walking time around our property, I was able to help my husband around the house with dishes and packing his lunchbox ... I even went back to work a few hours every couple of days.
While the person in the mirror looking back at me each day was and is unfamiliar, it is an image so many women before me have had to embrace and get to know and share life with. In my case, the expansion process of reconstruction is moving slower than for other patients, but in another month or so the expansion will be complete and the implant surgery will be the next step in my recovery. I believe I will always miss the image of the physical "old" me, but God will help me embrace the physical "new" me and He will help me heal from the inside out.
Up next, filling the expanders ...
