Surgery Day

The following week found me at the surgeons to sign the necessary paperwork and be told the surgery was scheduled for the following Monday - one week to surgery - oh boy!

Surgery would consist of the general surgeon removing the tumor and tissue in both breasts - estimated time frame 3 hours.  Then, the plastic surgery team comes in and places the expanders behind the pectoral muscle, adds the harvested skin from a donar to create a stronger pocket for the expansion, creates the skin flaps, and places two drains on each side - estimated time frame 1.5 hours per side - 5-6 hours of surgery - that was a lot of information to take in once again!

Reminder to self, I am having this done because I have a TUMOR - something I have had to remind myself of several times over, even today as I write this.  Making the decision to have a bilateral mastectomy comes with so many emotions and yet, there is/was a very valid reason for this.

So .... no breasts of my own, they will now be fake, I never thought there would ever be a day I would have fake ones, I had nothing to brag about but they were mine, only "fast" women have those not me (NO hate intended in that statement!)  What will my husband think of me? Will the scars heal so I don't always see them? So many emotions for doing the right thing!

Fast forward through a week of telling my employer, family members, arranging for meals and help with daily activities when I return home, praying prayers that didn't even have words, etc. and it is SuRgErY DaY!  I have no problems when it comes to surgery prep (I have done it 5 times prior) putting in the IV needle, listening to each one tell me their role in the surgery, the repeated "tell me your name and date of birth" - what got me was the marking - you know, when the surgeon comes in to mark the correct side to work on so they don't remove something on the left side that was supposed to stay (hehehe).  Drawing around each breast, marking where he wanted the incisions to be, it was the finality of it all that got - I will wake up never to have the breasts I was born with!! I cried and the absolute best OR nurse held my hand.  When they were done and everyone exited the room, my most awesome husband sat with me and reminded me it was going to be okay and that he loved me no matter what - have I told you he is the BEST! :)

The surgery went as planned and was actually a little quicker then anticipated - I love anesthesia because I typically don't remember much of anything - the last thing I remember was sliding onto the OR table and maybe a little bit of the ride to my room afterward.  I still don't remember the first sight of my husband, but somehow I knew he was present during the ride to the room.  I was not liking the morphine for pain, that was making me nauseous, but otherwise I didn't wake up feeling like I had been hit by a bus which was a question I had not found the answer to prior to surgery.

And now the journey begins - the healing process and reconstruction - unknowns that scare me and yet give me hope.